The Call Out: No More Skinny Jeans!

This initially began as an email to Boomer, but it came to my realization that it would be better suited for a broader audience. Truthfully, what I'm about to say here isn't much different than what you'll fine on 70's Big day to day, but I wanted to personally write something to a select few of you.

The main people I'm targeting with this composition are Boomer, Greg, HMS, Jess, maybe Ryan and Peter PC, and hell, even 150lb Nick. I'm not picking on all of you, just throwing some names out there. Wait, no, I lied. I'm definitely picking on the first four names mentioned. And I'm always picking on Nick. And I enjoy making fun of Ryan's voice.

Who remembers the ten components of fitness? They are...

1. Cardiovascular / respiratory endurance - The ability of body systems to gather, process, and deliver oxygen.
2. Stamina - The ability of body systems to process, deliver, store, and utilize energy.
3. Strength - The ability of a muscular unit, or combination of muscular units, to apply force.
4. Flexibility - The ability to maximize the range of motion at a given joint.
5. Power - The ability of a muscular unit, or combination of muscular units, to apply maximum force in minimum time.
6. Speed - The ability to minimize the time cycle of a repeated movement.
7. Coordination - The ability to combine several distinct movement patterns into a singular distinct movement.
8. Agility - The ability to minimize transition time from one movement pattern to another.
9. Balance - The ability to control the placement of the body's center of gravity in relation to its support base.
10. Accuracy - The ability to control movement in a given direction or at a given intensity.

If you want to excel at CrossFit, all are pretty much essential in one form or another. But to quote Dave Tate, a legendary powerlifter and coach, "The only aspect of conditioning that really will never have a negative effect on any others is maximal strength development. Maximal strength development will have a positive effect on almost every component of fitness, except maybe flexibility." In other words, of all ten above-mentioned components, strength is the most transferable to the other nine. It's that simple. Let's take Jesse as an example...

Right now, Jesse weighs around 215lbs. Hefty, sure, but strong. At the moment, Jesse squats around 377, presses 185, deadlifts 475, snatches 225, and clean & jerks 288. Now, say he devoted 4-6 weeks to conditioning (and maybe losing a bit of weight), how do you think he'd do with workouts like "Fran" or "Diane"? You really think he'd have any trouble with 95lbs thrusters? It's likely that after his 4-6 week conditioning period, he'd lose some of his maximal strength, but he would be destroying metcons pretty handily. The point is this: conditioning comes quick, strength takes time. It takes a lot of work and time to build strength, whereas getting faster at burpees or pull-ups only takes a little while.

So what does this have to do with all of you? You're weak. I'm sorry I'm not sorry. But damn it, I feel it's my responsibility to make you stronger. Look, I'm not trying to get you all to quit CrossFit and start doing powerlifting meets (unless you want to), but CrossFit is a lot easier if you're stronger. And while EVERYONE needs to be stronger, some of you definitely need to be bigger...

Here is AC from 70's Big in 2005:

Here is AC now, just five years later, deadlifting 562lbs:

Granted, he was just a teenager five years ago, but the transformation is quite obvious and awesome. Now, when socialism brings the world to its knees and the undead start feasting on the living, which AC would you rather be zombie-slaying with, the monkey or the gorilla?

So, to get right to my point, Boomer, Greg, HMS, and Jess are monkeys. Sorry, you've been called out. Which is why you four (and any others interested) will begin Starting Strength once the Affiliate Team adventure is finished. Note: Boomer has already started, thank God. Again, I can't force you to do it, but I think it will certainly be to your benefit. HMS, I don't want it to impede on your rockstar persona, but a little muscular bodyweight will give the groupie whores something to grab onto. And Greg, we all know you run like a gazelle, but I reckon it's time we make you a fucking rhino. Yes, this will require you guys to eat more, sleep more, and lift a lot, but all three of those things are totally awesome. And Boomer, if you really try doing CrossFit Endurance workouts while lifting heavy three times a week, I literally might kill you.

Again, this applies to everyone who wants/needs to be bigger and stronger. Don't worry too much about this now, but it's something to think about. Below are some excellent resources to broaden your collective horizons. I recommend starting from the beginning on 70's Big and working your way to the present. It's good stuff.

70's Big

The Novice Effect by Mark Rippetoe

The Hardgainer Attitude Adjustment by Charles Poliquin

The Starting Strength Wiki

And a quick question for people who prefer marathons over sprints...


  1. To be perfectly honest, I've seen people who are strong as hell and are too bulky to run or anything. I get that if we're lacking anything, it's strength, but some people don't want to be 250 pound behemoths.

    I get that we'd all rather look like the sprinter than that Finnish distance runner, but that 70s big guy looks like all he can do now is lift shit. In his before picture he looked like he was still strong but could actually do other stuff as well. You can't tell me that he could do things now like run a 6 minute mile. He has clearly neglected the other aspects of fitness in favor of strength.

    The pictures of AC also illustrates the 11th component of fitness: getting laid. The ripped guy in the before picture probably got laid all the time. What can the dude on the right get? Some woolly she-bear, perhaps? Certainly noone worth actually hooking up with.

    Obviously everyone should focus on their fitness weaknesses as much as possible, and starting strength is probably a great thing for many of us to be doing for a while, but remember that the reason all of us work our asses off at crossfit is because we enjoy it. Jesse is probably the best example of strength without any serious neglect of the other elements of fitness and starting strength sounds like a great plan, but please don't turn us into the after picture of AC.

  2. count me in. Oddly, I was stronger in highschool at 145 lbs. of course, I didn't do so much drinkin' and carryin' on back then.

  3. Coincidentally I run a blog called monkey vs. gorilla, you should check it out Quint.


  4. this rippetoe guy sounds a bit like Quint....some his advice below

    1) You aren't squatting deep enough
    2) You aren't squatting deep enough
    3) You aren't squatting deep enough
    4) You aren't squatting deep enough
    5) You aren't squatting deep enough

    6) You aren't squatting deep enough, no matter what you say (post Videos?)
    7) You need chalk
    8) You hate deadlifting because you're a pussy
    9) You hate deadlifting for some other reason, but you're probably a pussy
    10) Your grip sucks

  5. I find ac not attractive- please don't do that to Jess! It will def be fun to see your 70's big persona do some of these metcons you put us through.

    now, when do the 'Starting Coordination' workouts begin? I will sign up for that one :).

  6. This is truly remarkable. I devote a lot of time and effort to the topic of "Not Being A Skinny Little Pussy" and I get a lot of responses from a bunch of skinny little pussies...

    For Nils:
    1) I never said I wanted anyone to weigh 250lbs, but if anyone here thinks Greg, Matt, or Boomer don't need to add some meat to their frame, get your heads examined. I love you three guys - you're just skinny is all.

    2) "He has clearly neglected the other aspects of fitness in favor of strength." Yeah, probably because he COMPETES in powerlifting. I doubt he can run a mile pretty well, but that's mainly because he has no need or desire to run a mile. It doesn't change the fact that with a few weeks of conditioning, 70's Big AC would destroy most all CrossFit workouts with a few exceptions. Sub-notes: A) Bigger/stronger guys have better row times, B) AC only weighs 215 in that picture, C) Here's AC doing "King Kong" Rx'd: http://vimeo.com/4564754, E) AC holds Raw records in Georgia for the squat and bench press, and F) He probably gets laid more than you - but that's unfair since your girlfriend is on the other side of planet.

    3) You will understand all of this better when Boomer, HMS, and Greg get off SS after a few months and set multiple PR's.

    4) My point isn't to make people fat or HUGE, but to add more muscular bodyweight. The purpose is to "build a bigger engine."

    5) Lastly, getting any of you laid isn't my problem. And clearly, I'd be unable to help any of you with that.

    For Nick:
    1) The fact that you took the time to build that blog proves only one thing: you miss Fanny and get incredibly bored when she isn't home.

    2) I scored between 250 and 350. I was an extra in Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom... eating monkey brains, motherfucker.

    For HMS:
    1) You are handsome.

  7. From Jesse (he couldn't post for some reason)...

    Ha, the 11th component of fitness... Unfortunately being a skinny little pussy with Abz is a good way to attract women, but they lose interest quickly when you spend all of your time waxing, visiting the spray-tan salon, and complaining about the carb content of the meal they just fixed you. It's also nice to know that the guy you're involved with could do something useful with his muscle... I've never seen anybody fight off a would-be attacker with a righteous front double-bicep pose ;)

    And I agree with Anil, bout damn time. Trust me, nobody is going to go from a 150# twig to a 275# lumbering powerlifter overnight. A month or two of strength work will likely put 10lbs of muscle on you guys at the top end, but will add 100's of pounds to your lifts, which, as quint so eloquently pointed out, is the limiting factor in your fitness. Perhaps the picture of AC isn't the right motivation for you guys, so go check out the video of the powerlifting grandma on Primal...and keep in mind this great Rippetoe quote:
    "Strong people are harder to kill than weak people and are more useful in general."

    We're trying to build more useful people, it's part of our quest for world domination. When the shit goes down I'd rather have an AC there than somebody with a competitive Fran time :p

  8. Can we do starting strength if we're starting out with a fat ass and not a skinny bitch? But really, I would like to do starting strength. I would like to start in the Fall after the atrocious DC summer is over.

  9. "Unfortunately being a skinny little pussy with Abz is a good way to attract women, but they lose interest quickly when you spend all of your time waxing, visiting the spray-tan salon, and complaining about the carb content of the meal they just fixed you"

    Hold the presses. Jesse waxes, spray tans, and complains about carbs? No wonder I don't get laid.

  10. Yeah Quint, same question as Sarah, what if we already have a fat ass what can starting strength do for me?

  11. Sarah & Nick,

    Neither of you have a fat ass. Starting Strength can still get you both significantly stronger without eating copious amounts of meat and drinking gallons of milk, but you won't get the full benefits without the excess calories. Nevertheless, it is still a very solid strength program. Personally, I'd like to get you both on the program I'm currently doing, which is a mix of both Olympic lifting and SS-style lifting.

  12. I am weak. I am doing Starting Strength beginning next week. As Katie would say, Boom.

  13. I've actually been doing P90X and have had great results from that, and I think I'm going to keep at it for another couple months. I have this awesome mixtape I've been using for the workouts; I'll bring it into the gym.

  14. Bin wins for best comment on this blog ever.

  15. I doubt anyone will go back and see this comment, but I will still voice my opinion on all of this because I am involved in this post.

    I was 15/16 years old doing Bodybuilding competitions because my dad had done then and I consider him my hero. I weighed roughly 140-150 pounds. I wasn't very strong nor did I get pussy looking like a homosexual in a speedo. If you can't get "Pussy" by being who you are and not what you look like then you have a world of other problems that are out of my scope of comment. I actually didn't lose my virginity until I was 19 and in college. AND, weighing 190 pounds.

    I also did all your precious little cute CrossFit WODS like Fran and the one with 30 clean and jerks. I completed one in under 3 minutes and the other under 4. Both while I weighed 195. I also did the King Kong WOD faster than the original guy and faster than the famed Khalipa. Once you guys compete in a real sport then you can actually have a say in athletics. Most of you will/are mediocre athletes.

    I chose to gain weight in my pursuit of Powerlifting and I still only weigh 215, maybe a tad higher, (This is for the "Pussy" comment guy) and I guess you could say I hook up with more girls now than I ever have. I don't feel like thats an accomplishment as a man, but like I stated before if thats what you're all about then you have other problems.

    As far as "KT" goes, I can only assume KT is a woman. I hope she is because a guy finding me attractive, which is not uncommon, is just fucking weird. I am most likely better looking than any human being you had/ever will have. It's hard for really ugly chicks to admit that they love me, its ok I understand. Everyone's gotta fuck a fat ugly chick every now and then.

    I hope I didn't offend anyone with this post. I chose to be strong and I enjoy my life more now and life is all about what makes you happy. I hope all of you realize one day that Strength is the pre-cursor to any athletic endeavor. . . and I could fucking crush you.

    If you have any comments you would like to personally say to me because I know most of you are keyboard warriors my e-mail is Acis70sbig@gmail.com and I live at 9075 Whispering Pines Blvd Statesboro GA. Feel free to call me or drop by my house any time. I'll be sure to demonstrate how easily it is to be strong and fit and extremely handsome.

    Enjoy your day.